Thank goodness

I love listening to music while writing.

It's not like what I anticipated.

But what did I anticipate? The college life seen in movies where they never carry around books and go to class every once in a while? I don't think I expected anything. Maybe that's why I'm so muddled about my life in Ashland. I'm not hating it or liking it, I'm learning from it and soaking it in. How do I like it? I don't know, I've been there for two months, I still can't remember that one girls name across the hall, how can I know if I think I can spend the next 5 years there? I wrote my USem final about the opportunities you have in class because that's what I've gotten so far. I know people that I see on campus from class and I now have a favorite professor as well as one that scares the crap out of me, it's what makes memories and memories makes up your life.

Right now, I can see myself there for 5 years learning, but what I hate to think about is not academically. I don't want to sound stuck up, but I've never worried about my academic future. Sure I worry about how I did on that final I BSed this morning, but I have classes that I want to take planned out loosely for the next year. What I want to know is who will I be friends with? What kind of people will I hang out with? What will I do for fun (specifically in about 2 years)? And, well, what I think about the most, will I still be with him then? All throughout the term in theatre, so many people that we interviewed talked about how they travled around the country to get jobs before they finally made it up there where they could stay in one spot for more than six months. I don't want that life! I want to live in a house and get married and make it my home. I would love to travel and probably move into a new house a couple times, but living between places and working so you can eat terrifies me! I don't think I could do that so why should I have any right to put anyone else through that? Mike's down here because he followed my down here. He was going to go to college, but he came here because he wanted to be with me so badly. That makes me so happy to be just alive right now, but will that stay? Will he stay with me or with the job he has? The future, what we anticipate, always looks great, even when your down; like an oreo. But you never know if when you pull the cookie apart, where the white stuff is going to go. I'm terrified about the future, but as long as I see that it all happens for a reason and it's always for the better, no matter how crappy it gets, I can pull through, especially when it's not what I anticipated.

Cause getting your dreams as strange as it seems is a bit, well, complicated. There's a kind of a sort of cost. A couple of things get lost. There are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed untill you cross. And if that joy that thrills doens't thrill like you think it will, well, with this perfect finale with the cheers and the ballywoo who wouldn't be happier, so I couldn't be happier, no, I couldn't be happier because happiness is what happens when all your dreams come true. Well, isn't it? Happy is what happens when you dreams come true...